Australian Idol

I was having a bad week - I crashed the car and the cat carked it Weighed myself outside Woolies and I'd put on 4 kilos Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee I poured my heart out - told her all about Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet? She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say Just the right blend of sympathy and advice She took a big breath. And looked into my eyes and she said: You should go on Australian Idol! Even if you don't win, you'll have a great time. Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel They're even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine. I said `Thanks, I feel a lot better now' Then I erased her number from my phone I didn't know how much we'd grown apart. The very next day was my birthday. No one called, except my grandma And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies They said `Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on? It's nearly the final of Australian Idol and You should go on Australian Idol You're much prettier than her - she looks like a pudding `You'll win it no worries love' said my uncle And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in. And don't get me wrong - if I turn on the tv and it's on I can't stop watching. Even with the ads Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters And I laugh while I eat my dinner They're crying in their 5-star hotel, and I'm cackling on my cack-brown couch And it's not that I am jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous. The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover Feeling pretty grumpy Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself. I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy Singing that really annoying song by Craig David. Suddenly I rose to my feet - it must have been divine intervention I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed! Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!) Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus! I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar Or better still just change to SBS. You better believe it - I changed to ABC So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is. Shove it up your ass!

© Control Written by K. Miller-Heidke

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